ImproveChildBehavior
Ten Ways to Improve Your Child's Behavior
Most of us start out parenting the way we were parented, and expect our children to react as we did. Children with special needs, however, are likely to throw us a curve. If the tried-and-true ways of your mother and father don't cut it with your son and daughter, it's time to make a change. These 10 strategies may go against what you've been led to believe about child-rearing, but exceptional children require exceptional ingenuity.
Think of bad behavior as a mystery, a complex whodunnit with clues and motives and red herrings galore. Who's responsible? What did they do? When, where, and why did it happen? Jumping to the same disciplinary conclusions every time your child misbehaves is like arresting the butler any time there's a murder to be solved. Be a good parenting detective and let "Behavior Analysis Basics" help you collar the real culprit, and make the punishment fit the crime.
Think your child won't understand/comply with/care about a behavior chart? If you're thinking about a traditional chore-for-reward system, you may be right. But with a little creativity, you should be able to come up with a chart or similar motivational scheme that will give your child a reason to be more pleasin'. Start with the ideas in "How to Make Behavior Charts Work," then tailor them to your own challenging little one's needs and wants.
"Why does everything have to be such a fight?" That's something you may have asked your child a time or ten, but it's a question worth asking yourself, too: Why does everything have to be such a fight? Is every battle you choose worth picking? Put your peeves through these tests before making a big issue out of them. You may find that keeping the peace is more important than keeping up appearances.
"One-two-three" may be magic for some kids, but children with special needs may require extra time to do all the strategizing and motor planning it takes to move peacefully from one pasttime to the next. Forcing the issue with a quick three-count will most likely end in crabbiness and bad behavior -- and that's just from you. Giving your child a little extra time lets both of you feel more in control of the situation, and that's a good thing.
Amuse. Bribe. Comfort. Distract. Having a constant, and constantly updated, supply of items and ideas to cover those ABCDs for your child can make the difference between a whiny, fussy, tantrumy time and a fun, funny, contented one. The list of tricks on this Parenting Special Needs site can give you a good starter collection, but you'll want to refill and replenish it often with the things that most delight and captivate your own quirkly little one.
It's not bad to be ambitious for your child, or to have high hopes. But if you're setting the bar higher on a regular basis than your child can possibly reach, you're creating a constant experience of failure, fear and frustration that can come to no good. Arrange successes for your child by keeping goals realistic, and then build on that success to whatever heights your child can attain.
Transitions are tricky for children with special needs, and for their stressed-out parents, too. Better to think those dangerous changes of activity through beforehand than deal with the inevitable meltdown that occurs after a mismanaged one. "How to Make a Transition" gives some good guidelines for navigating this treacherous territory.
You've been over and over it with your child's teachers, explaining learning and language disabilities, making it clear that clarity is what your child needs -- simple language, concrete rules, conversation of the most direct sort. So why are you doling out the sarcasm and the body language and the figures of speech when you're trying to lay down the law at home? Take a good look at the way you talk to your child, and you may see that what you have here is a failure to communicate.
Time-out can be an effective tool for kids with special needs, but as with everything else, you'll need to be creative. Sending a child to his room when his room is where he wants to be is counter-productive, and not so helpful when you're at the mall or the store or the park. Review the "Top 10 Time-Out Spots" and pick one that works for your child -- or use it as a springboard for some spot-checking of your own.
No two kids are alike, no two families are alike, and no behavior plan works for everyone. Even when you do find something successful, chances are your child will grow out of it like a favorite pair of pants. Reading parenting books that deal specifically with special-needs behaviors, like those in our Harried Parent's Book Club, can bring you a constant supply of fresh ideas and strategies. Pick and choose to find your own top ways of dealing with your unique child.
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